Monday, March 26, 2007

Anatrim Spammers: Unintentionally, some of the funniest writing ever

The authors behind the ubiquitous "Anatrim" spam messages have tried so hard to obfuscate their messages by using non-standard synonyms for terms like "Weight loss" or "dieting", that they've ultimately succeeded in making some of the most confusing ad copy I've ever seen in my life. Needless to say: Spamassassin caught and immediately flagged this one, and every single other one I've received so far this year.

Anatrim - The up-to-the-moment and most delighting flesh loss product is now readily available - As were told on ABC

"flesh loss product"?! What the hell is THAT? And why would ABC have anything to do with it?

Did you realize excessive body kilograms kill a lot of people every year?

No! Tell me more of these dangerous "body kilograms" you speak of...

We know that you hate the unsightly look of those people and the
social stigmata attached to them.

Uhhhh... "stigmata"? What does religion have to do with this?

Or, maybe, you got no will to withstand pressure of your pernicious eating habits. If you see it sounds familiar, then we have something for you!

What year was this ad written in: 1912?!

Introducing Anatrim, the ultimate product for the elimination of your body's extra weight. The most amazing thing is that Anatrim raises the quality of your life, making you crave less food and giving you gay spirit.

So it's true: Anatrim makes you gay!!

Pay you attention to what people write to us about this product:

Me will try to be do that!

"This is great!

I stopped watching TV constantly and always glutting myself with food

I became rather more interested in exercise.

Anatrim put me back on the right track.

I have a great figure now and there are lots of men around me!"

Amelia B., Las Vegas

So: Anatrim caused you to stop watching TV? And made you "rather more interested" in exercise? What: is it a mind control drug as well? Did it make you bark like a dog too?

"I tried some passive weight burning, but almost with no result. I was rather difficult for me to restrain my ravenous appetite.

One day I heard on Anatrim in the commercial and I was really impressed at the information.

I had attempted using it, and my wife told me that I'm not more a weighty man now, 3 months later.

25 pounds have gone away and it is still far to an end!

And you know, I'm an impetuous lover again."

Rikky Martin, Boston

Mr. Vida Loca is suddenly abusing substances. Interesting. And now that he is apparently "not more a weighty man" (and it is still far to an end, whatever that means) maybe he can go back into the studio. I'm sure the fans will love the new thinner Ricky Martin!

He was rather difficult to restrain his own weight? You don't say!

Anatrim gives you an opportunity to realize that your body doesn't need that much food.

Just the opportunity? It doesn't do more than that? Oh wait...

It lifts your mood up, gives you energy, and attacks needless kilos. Great thanks to its powerful original formula!!

I'm confused. It's attacking me?!

Worm out more information!

That text features the link to the Anatrim spamvertised site, so we can "worm out" more information.

Have they lost their goddamn minds?!?!

Anyone who carelessly clicks through an advertisement so poorly worded deserves whatever they get, and I say that with the full knowledge that pharmacy spammers have finally managed to kill one of their customers.

Spammers really are idiots, but what does that say about the people who send them their money?



Anonymous said...

Thank you SiL, for this hilarious blog article. I laughed from the beginning to the end!

Anonymous said...

This stuff reads like chinese people who learned English from a non too recent book (say 1912) although my alltime favorite was 'women will be attacking you' for some variety of male hen medicine.